2nds

The funny thing about starting Chemotherapy again, much of your time you really just want to lay in bed. It takes a lot of motivation to get up everyday and do something when you just don't feel good. I have been motivating myself by taking all this free time to explore more of my craft. I have also been motivated to study God's word that much more. My craft if you don't know is counseling and what better place to learn more about counseling then from the great counselor. I read the gospels and I see the compassion Christ had for people and how that has played a great role in my own compassion for the hurting and the ill.

In psychotherapy we are always looking inward, asking the questions of clients or patients that will cause them to explore deeper into their being. Today my question for myself is, "Christ's compassion has motivated my to be compassionate toward the hurting and the ill, but does that compassion reach myself?"

Often when you are sick you start blaming or become defensive. You think to yourself where did I go wrong, am I not eating right, am I not working out enough, am I not seeking the treatment needed to bet cancer, etc. I start examining my own thoughts and think, can I avoid it, do I get angry, do I over rationalize it, do I need to pray more, do I need to read the Bible more, do I need to just let go of my health and praise God for the moments I have on earth.

That last one makes me cry.

Thou this makes me sad to think about death at such a young age, I can remember the words of Paul, "we were buried therefore with him by baptism into death, in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, we too might walk in newness of life." (Romans 6:4) What great joy that brings to a believer, to walk anew, to live life with Christ for eternity, to worship our Heavenly Father with our unborn child, with our family before us and our children after.

This too brings tears to my eyes, but they have changed from sadness to joy.

So I leave you once more with a question, "Is it not time for you dear reader to check your heart and ask the deeper questions of yourself and your faith?"