Life is full of ups and downs. It seems in the moments of downness, we start taking the time to reflect and ponder why life is the way it is. My life right now seems it could not get any worse. I will be battling cancer for the forth time and I have just learned that my wife and I have lost our unborn child. It seems we can't catch a break, but maybe that is the whole point? I know may people blog to help with their pain and my hope blogging my help with the pain I feel inside, who knows? I do know I need to vent and I feel this could be my new voice.
To begin a blog may seem to be an easy idea for some, but to have your personal thoughts and feelings put on display seems so narcissistic, but here I find myself wanting the attention and wanting people to say, "oh poor thing, it must be so hard". I guess this is my sin to be the center and to remove Christ from his place in my life. Maybe it is just being human. Since the being of time right after the fall, all mankind has wanted was to have the knowledge to become the authority of self and the world.
God has given us that authority and seems the world is just becoming worse, I can't seem to manage my self, and life just does not seem to turn out how we plan it. So I give my self, my world, and my life to God through Christ Jesus. Now what? Isn't is suppose to make things better? I trust God and I have not lost faith, so don't get me wrong when I say these things. I say them in hopes that the pain would not be as great.
Pain is a funny thing, we all have it and we all need it in a sense or we would just go around killing ourselves. Pain brings about an awareness that we are still living, we hurt, we breath, and we are continuing on. Pain deep inside us will motivate, will cause us to fight, or to avoid, pain makes us put up our defenses so that in someway we may feel safe or in control.
So as any great writing teacher would tell you don't end with a question, but the question here seems so fitting. What do I do with this pain I am feeling, do I avoid, do I fight it, or do I change to use it to motivate me and others?
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